Road To Ruin: From Tejas, With Love.

Feeling this way.  I’m told I am solid gold but I am treated like second class for the most part since my friends look better than me.

I hate having feelings for other people.  I feel vulnerable and slightly scared when I do.

At the end of the road:  I’m either not pretty enough, not funny enough, not girly enough, not doormat enough and now I’m not skinny enough.

I hate being ugly and I hate the weight I’ve recently gained.  I feel unhappy and inadequate.  I want to feel beautiful.

It’s not that I don’t love myself, I’m just exhausted by everything happening around me and haven’t been able to give myself the attention I deserve.

I hate getting hurt, maybe that is why I am scared to go further into anything with anyone.  I am supposed to be the strong one.

I hold back because I don’t want to make the first move.  It’s out of my comfort zone.

I don’t want to complicate things but then I overanalyze and I can’t sleep.

I can’t believe I don’t want to be alone for once.  That I want someone to actually hold my hand.  That I suppose I want to feel loved again.

Pretty much, I don’t want to be Tom anymore.  It sucks.

Thought I would vent some frustration out though I’ll see what happens next month.  Stuck between two amazing people, confused.