Road To Ruin: From Tejas, With Love.

Today I went to Benbrook Lake with Lupe.  I needed to get away from my house and all the negativity, the pre-planning.  She’d called me in the afternoon, asking what I was up today and I had said nothing but that I was busy and would get back to her when I wasn’t.  She needed to get away too.  I picked up her up after calling and I just headed west with a quarter of gas left in my tank.

We got off at Benbrook Road and I realized I was hungry.  We got McDonald’s [Courtesy of the awesome Lupe] and then stopped for a snow cone somewhere down the road.  Drove all the way south after that, turning into Dutch Branch Park and acknowledging the US Army Corps Engineers sign.  I hadn’t been to Benbrook Lake in a few years and forgot they charged an admission fee per vehicle.  We paid and there we went, looking for the right place.  Lupe kept saying there was a big playground that she remembered from when she was younger here but to her dismay, we didn’t find it.

I drove until the end of the road, where we hit a dead cul-de-sac styled parking lot that featured an old damaged picnic table overlooking the lake.  Everything was empty, except for a truck that was parked there.  We got out and I left my phone charging in the car as we ate on the good side picnic table, noticing a happy couple in the water below as we sprayed off with the Oust anti-mosquito spray.  We talked and watched the couple, who got a bit too close and happy.  Yup, they were getting it on and Lupe kept saying that they weren’t.  A couple alone in a secluded lake area with a lot of cuddling i the murky water?  Of course they were going at it [haha] and they eventually disappeared when they saw us looking a couple of times.

We talked & finished our food.  I noticed the couple when I went back to my car for my phone and bag.  They were now fully clothed and hanging out on the grass.  It was cute but to give them their privacy, we walked down the hill towards the water to a section away from them.  I sat down on the banks of a washed out portion of dirt that kinda resembled a cliff side.  I watched the lake and took off my shoes, heading for the green water.  I stepped in and it felt great, cooling in this 90-something degree heat.  I wish it could have melted my problems away but I realized, as I looked out at the water, that this was it.  No amount of crying [which I had been doing quit a bit of today] was going to change anything and that wishing was going to get me nowhere.  Prayer was therapeutic and kept my faith hard at bay but at this point, only reality set in.

This was it, the physical metaphor for being surrounded by a sea of sorrow and pain.  Here I was at the edge of the water, with a storm literally brewing behind my back.  I stood there and exhaled, then laughed as Lupe joked around and screamed when she saw small spiders crawl by.  They’re just like problems, creeping up and scaring people.  I’m 5’1” and I can kill them, a reason for me to believe that I can try to overcome this one problem at a time.  I hope that God has a good plan for me because he knows I’m really going to need it since whatever I had is now torn apart. & The small bits of happiness I received not too long ago are the only things keeping some faith in me for something great, anything good.  Memories are what keep me anchored down and a shot of love is what keeps me a bit positive for whatever the future holds.

The sky grew a dark blue gray and the wind felt a bit comforting as it hit my face.  Thunder rumbled in the background.  The storm grew stronger and it was coming.